i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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