Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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