i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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