I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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