We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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