shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
