It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
