Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize