I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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