Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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