girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
