I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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