New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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