You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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