Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
