yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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