He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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