I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
