Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
