I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
