Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
