I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
