I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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