pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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