Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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