Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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