my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
