Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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