Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we're so committed to being not committed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
