Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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