is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
