be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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