i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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