i can't believe i had my finger in that
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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