Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
