shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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