Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
