We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
