The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
