Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
