Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
