I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
