Got a toothbrush?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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