I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
