i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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