is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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