He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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