dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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