No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
