dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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