having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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