I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
