Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
