Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
