My cat gives me a boner
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
