Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
