i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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