She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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