He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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