i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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