so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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