Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
