I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
