Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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