remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize