I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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