God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
