last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
