I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
