I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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