Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think my moral compass just broke
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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