wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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