Are we in a gay sports bar?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
